Continued

 So let's delve a little deeper.

This topic is difficult to address mainly because it's uncomfortable.  It's also a very difficult topic to understand simply because it doesn't seem logical.

There were two parts of The Two Coreys story that hit me the hardest, and they both involved Feldman.  The first was when Haim was first entering the film industry, Feldman was an old pro.  It sounds like, through their conversations, Haim (even though I think he was older) looked to Feldman as a kind of a mentor.  

Here is problem number one.  Feldman was in no position to be a mentor.  He couldn't even handle his own problems.  Corey Feldman was essentially sold to predators at a very young age, and it's all he ever knew.  He had his own battles to fight, and he cannot be blamed for the downfall of Corey Haim.  But I don't know if either of the two Corey's ever came to terms with that.  This is speculation.  The one thing I know is that Feldman, through no fault of his own, failed Haim.  I think that may resonate with just about anyone who has been through a serious bout of clinical depression.  There will be times when people come to you for help, and you just can't help them.  Then, you cycle out of control because you beat yourself up over it.  That's something I've been through.  I can't say for sure that I know how either of the two Coreys felt about it, but I do know for sure that hearing him talk about it was painful.

Haim died from a condition I like to call "complications from childhood abuse" three days before my birthday in 2010.  That rocked my world pretty hard even though I always knew him as "The Other Corey".  It sounds like Haim's life was punctuated by a a child's most cherished dream quickly turning into a nightmare, and that's something that hits pretty hard because it foreshadows the second problem, which hits even deeper.

The reason I know the depths of Corey Feldman's pain is because of the accounts he had of his relationship with Michael Jackson.  Feldman has been Jackson's staunchest supporter over the years, but when I read Feldman speak of Jackson, there is no question in my mind that Jackson is guilty of many of the crimes that he was accused of.  Corey Feldman has a seriously messed up mind, again through no fault of his own, because that's what happens when you use an abusive relationship to escape a relationship that is abusive in a different way.  

Think about what I'm saying here long and hard.  

There are two things that hit me very hard about this account.  The first is that it sounds to me like Feldman has repressed many of his memories with Jackson, likely involuntarily, because he considered Jackson's home to be a "safe place".  Those were Feldman's own words.  The second is that Feldman viewed his relationship with Jackson to be 100% consensual.  That's part of the "grooming" process, and it wasn't until Feldman was in his late 40s when he started to realize "holy crap, some of this really isn't adding up."

That hits a little too close to home. 

The Two Coreys

 The 1980s were supposed to be a time of innocence for a late Generation X kid like me, but as I grow older, that idea falls further and further from the realm of reality.  The stories of Bill Cosby and Michael Jackson were hurtful to those of us who looked up to those men as idols as we grew up.  Those two men *were* the 1980s to me.

I think the tale of The Two Coreys hits home even a little harder.  I grew up with Corey Feldman.  He epitomized the 1980s more than any other person for me.  He was in all of the great 1980s movies that define the decade.  Stand by Me.  The Goonies.  Gremlins.  The Lost Boys. Licensed to Drive.  And of course, the place where I was first introduced to him, the hero of Friday the 13th:  The Final Chapter.

I didn't think nearly the same for Corey Haim. He came later, but that doesn't make his story any less tragic   I didn't get to grow up with him, but I do know that when I was in junior high and high school, he was one of *the* teen heart throbs for the girls in our school.  Sure, I'd seen movies with him in them, but I wouldn't have been able to tell you which kid was him in the late 80s to early 90s.  

Feldman was the first celebrity that I ever connected with on a psychological level.  He is easily the one celebrity that I have connected with the most closely largely because that connection transcends a generation.   I think the movie Stand by Me, which was a reflection of his life, was a huge part of that connection.  I didn't know it until decades later, but Feldman came from an extremely dysfunctional home where his parents essentially used him for the money he made while turning a blind eye to the sexual abuse he faced in the industry.  Feldman was able to win his emancipation at the age of 15 based on the fact that he was worth over $10 million in the film industry, but his bank account had barely anything in it.  

There was a tremendous amount of anger in Corey Feldman as a kid.  There was also a tremendous amount of pain.  As a kid, I could feel that pain.  It's probably why Feldman resonated so closely with me, as there were a considerable number of elements in my life that paralleled with his. 

It is unfortunate to know, though, that since all of that crap was corroborated, I'm finding it extremely difficult to find any joy in 1980s nostalgia anymore.  There is a tremendous amount of pain residing in that decade for me.  Watching Corey Feldman on the big screen brings back a lot of that pain.  I can see his pain, and I just can't do anything about it.  That is overwhelming for me.  

Corey Haim's story, even though I never felt that same kinship with him, hurts even more.